There will come a time in this life when all of my work and all of my potential shall cease. Whether swift or slow, through illness or in time, soon my body will turn to aches, and the wick of my mind will burn at its end. With that in mind then, and with ample terror (2 Cor. 5:11), I know that the time I have to right my wrongs and pursue spiritual matters is always waning. Scarily soon, all that I will be is exactly that which I truly was throughout my life, consciously and unconsciously – and there can be no shifting the blame, for the fruit depended on the roots. It makes a terrifying meal of how incompatible with a true love of God is my own ability to neglect today’s spiritual matters, leaving them to be done tomorrow, having no fear of how I shall account for this to my God (Rom 14:12). It is frightening to consider the lukewarmness in my own heart when I am able to lay my head to my pillow at the end of the day wholly unconcerned about God’s view of my life.

When I no longer have strength to hide the sin, pride, image-management, anxiety, distrust of God, and self-reliance coursing through the bones of my fallen, un-conformed nature, then the true reality of the state of my heart, formed over my lifetime, will be the sole experience of who I am, both for myself and for others. What is more terrifying, is that it is I alone who shall account for the person I became to the God before whom all I am is laid bare (Heb 4:13). As A.W Tozer insinuates, do I now simply go about ‘John 3:16-ing’ my life, with a mental assent to belief in Christ, but neglect the ‘Christ-becoming’ of my call, and go on living a lukewarm, distant relationship to the God I ‘obviously’ love? Time is God’s cosmic sleuth - what has been reaped in my life is that which shall be sown. Often we are quick to correct a “fear of the Lord” to merely respect of the Lord. ‘Fear sounds scary, and God is love’, we think. But I do not respect the traffic light because I arbitrarily owe a computerised hunk of roadside metal respect. No, I respect it with the fear that disregarding all traffic lights will eventually kill me or others. God is not a timid guilt-tripping wallflower hoping that we’ll eventually get around the room to talk to Him. Is that the God we entrust with our lives? We were bought with a price (1 Cor 6:20), and in contemplation of the cost of our salvation borne on the beaten body of Christ, we can know that God wants us and loves us – sometimes more than our prideful, rebellious hearts can even bear. We know that there is no guarantee of our future in this life. Passing things are unworthy of the attention of a saint. Which great man or woman throughout history said,

“today I will passively ‘enter into the joy of [our] master (Mat. 25:23)?’”

The world has deceived us to believe that if we fully surrender to God, He will do something bad to us. But we know that true fulfilment cannot be found apart from the sincere subjection and search of one’s heart toward God. There is much Jesus can do with a sincere heart. And here is our hiding place (Ps. 32:7); here is the only source of satisfaction for every existential need we have, here is the root of a life that will bear fruit and never wither (Ps. 1). Therefore, knowing that “today is the day of salvation (2 Cor 6:2)”, may we subject ourselves wholly to Christ and live for Him. If we are weak to the world, may we pray that the world would instead despise us and reveal its futility to us, that our hearts might know the true surpassing worth of knowing Jesus. Jesus waits for us to soften our hearts toward Him. In His kindness, God wills that “by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body (Rom 8:13)”, not arbitrarily, but because subjection to His Way is the only way to live congruently with the whole created order which He has established.

O, good Jesus, make us so deeply in love with you that we would believe the truth that there is no alternative path but that of carrying our cross along the narrow, royal road. We should pray that God would grant us the wisdom to know our rightful place in the world, for the preservation of our spirit, and that in everything we may always have within us the capacity to live a life fully devoted to Jesus. May we know that Jesus did not save us from a scary world outside, but from the terrible reality of our own sin within. Satan will often say tomorrow, but the Spirit tells us to contemplate today our end which is no end at all; and to behold the “unsearchable riches of Christ (Eph 3:8),” and His mercy toward us. May we believe in our hearts that there will be no tomorrow on this Earth to love and be loved by Him, but that today has been given to us to live to the Spirit. Are we not sinners in love? Have our souls not been bountifully dealt with (Ps 116:7)? May we fall in love again!

The satisfaction to every longing is to be found wherever our knees may fall. So, Spirit of Christ, save us again from ourselves today! Passion of Christ, remind us of our propensity to hate you and your Way which leads to life! Blood of Christ, cover us, that by your grace and to your grace our hearts would overflow with love toward you! Spirit, teach us to love you as we should! Humble our pride, lower our hearts to the dust, and lift our gaze to the Son, that forever our hearts would seek to please you above all other things! Cultivate in our hearts the pain of a longing love for you. Set again in our hearts the fire of a holy love, that we may always love you, and, when we stray, quickly return to your safe love. Good Jesus, daily make us to know our insufficiencies, that we may never sow in self-reliance and reap in pride, nor grow lukewarm to your burning love for us. Make our souls cling to you anew. In your gentleness make us to approach you boldly, for we will stray further than we should, not love you as we should, nor be as penitent as we should. We know that who we really are is the fullness of who you are in us, and we acknowledge our sin and our emptiness apart from you. Have mercy on us when we enter your presence half-heartedly and convince ourselves that we love you despite the true reality of our affections toward you. Discipline those parts of our hearts that repel in distaste to confess our weaknesses to you, and call for help. Apart from you we truly can do nothing.

So, our love, Our God, our all, save us again today from ourselves, and from the riches of your grace draw us near to yourself. Remove the guilt which hinders us from a bold entrance to your throne room, and put in us a relentless, searching love for you. Free us from care for ourselves, and may your love for us draw us into you and out into the world, that your love may be known to all and in all. Our Father, we have been made by you and for you; apart from you we are unsettled. Settle us in the grace of your Son Jesus. Make our hearts to love you, and our minds to remember you, aiding us as we cast our attention on you in all that we do. Father, give us your Spirit to guide us so far away from this “body of death” and into the rich light of a life lived in love, service and subjection to your Spirit! God, we are in love! Make us in love!